break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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