it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
