did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
