He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
