Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We have started to decorate penises.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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