Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
