my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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