before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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