Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
