I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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