Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
