Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
