why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
