A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
