My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
