actually, I'm a sock model
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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