I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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