Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
