my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
