I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how does that bad decision feel?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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