I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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