She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
