you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
