nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
