My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she told me i tasted like america
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
