I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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