I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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