I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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