If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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