his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
