i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
