You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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