my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
