were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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