wrigley field is MILF paradise
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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