I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
