Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
