I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
