Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
