using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize