Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
