After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
