This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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