Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
