i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
