Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
