WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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