I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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