why didn't you poke me back
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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