something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
