I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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