It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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