i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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