remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
