Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
