i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
