I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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