I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
false alarm, still single
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
