you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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