I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
