I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
3 2 1 whiskey
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
