You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
