They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Someone signed my nipple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
