Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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