maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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