She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I want to have your abortion
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
