so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
