what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i've created a new STD.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
These tits shall not be calmed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
