I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
