im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
