Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
