Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is wine microwaveable?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
