You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize