I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
