the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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