We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
