had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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