Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
