wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Randomize
