if you like me you must not know who I am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
