Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
