She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
