Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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