I'm jealous of your bromance
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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