You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
