i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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