he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
