First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
