yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
