he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
