hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
