he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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