oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
