drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
