Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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