Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
